why somedays i hate me so bad i could die.

why sometimes i hate me.
sometimes.
its super hard to wake up everyday knowing there is a girl out there that is drop-dead gorgeous. Gorgeous, beautiful, intelligent, and has got a perfect life and personality. Her clothes fit perfect her hair is just right, she has no care in the world about what any other girl thinks of her. She knows at any time she would kill you in looks, she is that beautiful. its hard to admit shes perfect, while i look like i need plastic surgery. call me jealous. I'm fat, I'm Tongan, I've got nappy hair, stretch marks and a sometimes annoying personality. My feet are huge and my thighs have cellulite. My skin is gross, i have acne, this is how i perceive myself. Why didn't i get blessed with her fortunate genes? i hate myself and i have no self esteem. i used to think i was beautiful, graceful when i danced. OH! yet lives great mishaps lead me to believe I'm no one. Not beautiful, not special and no were near important. Every man I've known has "done me wrong" so to speak. Step fathers to boyfriends. Men treat you wrong and then wonder why you are the way you are. Hello asshole, you've degraded me, pushed me aside, told me i was nothing, made me feel like i was nothing. When you told me i was beautiful, you went behind my back to cheat on me. Your such a little man. You men contribute to some of the reason i hate myself some days, congratulations. Yet i will forgive, but as the saying goes, "i wont forget." It's hard because, my once great persona has been tainted with selfconciousness, guilt, humility, jealousy, desperation to be someone I'm not. Someone that everyone envies. well fuck you feelings you can get me down! Because at the end of my ridiculous ranting and rambling pays of. I realize that, that girl who is so much better than be couldn't have possibly been through all i have and still get up everyday and live my life like I do. She has a shitty life just like me. Her clothes just make her seem like she's has no problems, but i"ll bet u behind closed doors she hates herself just like me some days. Don't admit it if you don't want to. Everyone hates themselves some days and today's my day. roxanne, you dont have to put on that red light.